waiting for the perfect guy

so anyway i was home one of these evening when i was really tired and on radio there was some discussion about how ladies have such high standards when looking for guys or husbands etc

Enough of my pals, mostly the men, insist on the fact that i have expectations that are either too high or not realistic....
i honestly don't think so..i have dated several guys and they were not perfect nor do i presume to be perfect..but i refuse to settle for mediocre when i know am not mediocre and i believe that there are people out there who are good and would get me...plus i refuse all men are chauvinists.

One of the main contentions people have with me..is my stand that roles don't have to be defined by society.I firmly believe that its up to the two people in the relationship to define who does what and what is happening in their relationship.One of the most inane statement i keep hearing is"but everybody does it"or "everyone knows its always been like that"....its just plain stupid..people used to walk naked but it doesn't mean we have to. Then another stupid justification is that African MEN ARE LIKE THAT.....of all the silliest arguments..well if i find out they are all like that then i will try my luck elsewhere.I don't believe that a woman should do all the housework yet she has a career just like the man.

I also don't believe in taking working in progress men with the intention of improving them..i applaud women who have the time,energy and desire to do this...i do not..i think everyone has a choice whom they can date and if i don't like how you dress,smell,talk etc then i have no business dating you....
i don't believe in the perfect man theory..but as i said am not settling for less than i am worth.no apologies there

I seriously don't think its too much to ask for intelligent conversation...any other alternative will just lead to contempt and i doubt there are any men who want to be with a woman who looks down on them,,,and knowing me it would not be subtle.One of my childhood friends was intellectually challenged and almost everyone in our hood would wonder why we were friends.He was very good looking and knew how to dress and all yet upstairs there was just a big vacuum. I knew this but the reason we remained friends was that he chose to be my friend when everyone else looked down upon me as unworthy and uncool.So i learnt to adjust my thinking whenever i was with him. It become so natural that even today if i were to meet him its like an automatic shift in gears. Yet in all that i knew i could never date him....ever!!!..we could have fun laughs...talk music and stuff going down but i knew that in as much as he was my friend i looked down on him..as shaming as that is...back then he was like some hot guy everyone was after but i would wonder how he would keep all these girls some who were very smart...but as they say each to his own.

I cannot stand clowns.i like humour just like the next person but i cannot stand clowns and by that i mean those people who take humour to such levels you would equate them to monkeys.When humour is over the top it disgusts me. My sense of humour is more sarcastic and i get that not everyone has to get it but i cannot stand those people who have the potential to humiliate you yet excuse it all in the name of humour.My father whom i adore is very funny and they have laughs with my mum even after all these years of marriage and my pals who have met him can attest to how funny he is...yet i love the fact that it has a limit..i never have to sit in suspense wondering what will come of his mouth..whatever he will say will make us laugh and not embarrass us.Humour like all things has to have boundaries.The flip side being the genetically boring human being...waah where do i start...i believe i am fun and full of life so i do not see the need to tie myself down to someone who just robs me that very same essence of life instead of adding it.Having a personality and an interesting one at that is very important to me..i do appreciate that not everyone can be as loud as me...and THANK GOD for that...but being interesting is a choice.
I used to be of the school of thought that a man's education level did not matter even where i was more educated than him. Sadly it does matter...it may not matter to me...but sooner or later it brings issues as the man never lets you forget nor his family,his friends or your family.Several relationships have driven this point home so i have crossed over i am not dating a man less educated than me...i may be cool with it but the flak that follows is not worth it.I refuse to apologise for having an education.I don't think it defines me...but others choose to see me through those lenses and so i will adorn mine when associating with such.

On a correlated issue how much a man earns.I am still undecided on this one. I probably gave my friends grief in my philosophy that it doesn't matter i can live anywhere so long as i believe in the relationship.Two of my very good friends said this was bull and a shame that i cannot come from a comfortable environment and go to a hand to mouth situation.My friend Hadida says that better to cry in an expensive carpet than to cry in a cement floor.hahahaha this very cynical statement stems from the reasoning that even the best man will hurt you and make you cry so its up to you to choose which man will make you cry and what environment you will shed your precious tears.As i said am still divided on this

I probably have other pet peeves but for now do tell me your take...do you think its a lost cause to wait for the appropriate man/woman-hihihi.....and what are some of your non-negotiable qualities

crappy day

its one of those days when doubt,sadness,depression,tears,fear,weariness and all their awful relatives outstay the welcome they never received in the first place

well all i can say tomorrow is another day..............hopefully peace,joy,laughter,energy and their lovely friends will pay me a visit...a rather long one

HR

YAANI i am so swamped with work that i feel like i am committing a crime by posting something in my blog....but i have to....i have been working non-stop from 9am.
I am now in-charge of human resource for both two companies. I have to set up a performance appraisal system for both companies and implement it. I did learn about the system so its not the knowledge i lack...but rather its daunting task...and one that will make enemies for me....or at the very least cause resentment. my dad and the management consultant he works with feels i can do it...i can do it..i believe but i am still scared...at the thought of failure...or at how i have to have several discussions and training with each of the employees....more than that i ahve to evaluate them over a period of time...give an appraisal and suggest whether they retain tehir jobs,get rewards or lose their jobs and other disciplinary measures....its no small task...unlike before the two companies have grown...Philoke has eight technical staff, L&G has five laundry agents while there are five administrative staff. That may seem small.... but i have to train all these people...develop a system to evaluate them,mootivate them and basically determine their future with either of the companies...
I have started so that's a good thing...laying down the foundational work for the system is not too bad..though its really time consuming and requires me to understand the two companies with their operations....part of the reason for my getting this job was for the sake of continuity..i am one of its directors yet i do not have a comprehensive knowledge of every sector of operations..something which i feel will be remedied...i am glad its challenging me to stretch what i elarnt in my managemnt classes and apply them practically..furthomore itsa good experience as i will not only learn how to work with people but also lead people at the work place....still i pray that God will just give me grace..i am the kind of person who does not like being bossed nor do i like bossing peopel around...but like one of my pals said that a dream world....weird thingw e were just discussing taht with him..and taht very same day..i get the job...with my own office space...
Let me get back to work....the sad thing..i now cant just work the way i used to..keeping whatever hours...but ooh well..a challenge is good.aM OUT

Weekend

I had a really lovely weekend....i really got time to spend with two of my girls..and i must say..its been too long..we had such a ball...in whether it was giggling over silly things..or arguing like co-wives over everything..or just enjoying each others company as we lazed away..i really had a wonderful time...it reminded me how much i value those two...i hear i missed another huge party..but i have no regrets

It also made me realize what i have been suspecting for awhile...my father cannot stand any talk about marriage..especially where he perceives any connection of that word with me..its really hilarious..he doesn't come out and say it...but any talk towards that direction has him so uncomfortable..its almost hilarious to watch..i almost want to reassure him...that he shouldn't worry..so....its not in the card soon...i find myself really missing one of my pals..lets call him..twox..he so will get....i havents een him in the longest time...and maybe i just need his perspective on some stuff cutting in my life..but i am busy and i know he is even more busy

i probably have no reason for writing but i did anyway..our church is getting a new youth pastor..i cant wait to meet him...my concern was whtehr he can speak English eloquently..and iw as assured he can..so i will wait when he is introduced to leadersto make my judgement...

i lay down my weapons...

People expect that friendships will make them feel good all time. When there is something about the friendship that invites complication, friends might start to wonder whether the friendship is a good idea. The truth is that if one expects a relationship to always be fun and lighthearted, he is missing the point of friendship. Everyone wants to hang around when there are good times to be had. The real test of friendship is being there when the going gets tough.

i got that from some site..apparently it is supposed to be poem..to me it doesn't sound like on..but i like what the person is saying....for some reason ever since i fell out with a particular pal of mine...a boy2men song lyrics has been playing in my head..

We don't even talk anymore
And we don't even know what we argue about
Don't even say I love you no more
Cause sayin' how we feel is no longer allowed

Some people will work things out
And some just don't know how to change

Chorus:
Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We'll make the biggest mistake of our lives
Don't do it baby

Now they can see the tears in our eyes
But we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts
Well maybe that's a pain we can't hide
Cause everybody knows that we're both torn apart

Why do we hurt each other
Why do we push love away
The friend is a guy..and no the song want playing coz i am into him or anything..but rather..coz i kept thinking back to the fall outs and arguments we have ever had....and sometimes when i look back i cant for one figure out what we were arguing about...and i had my fair share of blame to carry..as i can be pretty unreasonable..yet we have remained friends,,,yet this last fight had me really shook...i wasn't admitting it..but at some point i wondered if this was the deal breaker...from another site i found this other poem..which also does not sound like a poem..but has sound advice
Fighting is part of every real relationship. The key is knowing how to resolve the conflict without breaking up the friendship. Often it is the individual who knows how to communicate by sharing his feelings and not pointing fingers who can diffuse the situation. Since both members of the friendship are feeling defensive, it becomes a risky and sensitive venture. It may talk a couple of tries to fully resolve your differences but you may come out with a stronger friendship at the other end.

It always been me who waits for the other person to take the first step....well this time i did....and all i can say..is that i am learning and i am growing...there can be no pride..or arrogance in friendship especially when the friendship is in dire straits

Preserving a friendship requires many skills. One of the most important of these is the ability to say "I'm sorry". We all make mistakes. Hurting each other from time to time is inevitable especially in a close friendship. Some people are incapable of apologizing, because they are unable to admit that they may have made a mistake. There is no way for a friendship to last without apologies. Saying I'm Sorry in a sincere and compassionate way will preserve your friendship and deepen the bond that your share.

My friend..you made apologizing so much easy..and it goes into the treasure box..where i keep reasons why you are an asset and a treasure....and i mean that in a pure and honest way...you challenge me to be a more mature person..a more reasonable person..a more compassionate person....and so i made a decision to believe you....there are things i have doubted which i am sure you have never even guessed.....yet i doubt some stuff about each and every person..it my nature....some of the stuff i have done are really absurd.....yet.....as i used to tell you....self preservation is the name of the game....i know that like many..you truly dint understand the extent to which that was wired into my psyche.i avoid pain at any cost and can go to any length...you once asked me why do i see our friendship as a sheep wolf relationship..i did not answer you..for you had nailed it...i read that yesterday..and i knew....i was wrong...we have had many fights and you are not blameless..yet on my part i have been too paranoid...the lyrics of Halleluya sand by Alexandra Burke says it best...there is stanza that says it best...

Well maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who’d out drew ya
And it’s not a cry that you hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah

yap to shoot..thats what i do..for if u dont the person who outdrew you will surely finish you...
but i realise..not everyone is shooting me..i dont have to be in  a duel with every single human being i encounter.so i lay down my weapons


a blog i frequent had a poem written by some girl..
whom either English is a beef or maybe its just a case of poetic licence
.nway she said it best....articulated what i longed to say..years back
I haf a wall u cannot see
Because its deep inside of me
It blocks my heart on every side
And helps emotions der to hide
You can't reach in, I can't reach out
You wonder wat it's all about.
The wall I built dat you can't see
Results from insecurity.
Each time my tender heart was hurt.
The scars within grew worse & worse
So stone by stone,
I built a wall
Dat's now so thick it will not fall.
I try so hard to break the wall,
But seem to get nowhere at all.
For stone upon each stone i've stacked,
And left between them not a crack.
The only way 
To make it fall, is imperfections in the wall.

....so this post is not just to one particular friend but rather to all but mostly to myself...to remind me that some friendships are worth gold...i am glad we both dint let that final straw break in a rope that was frayed to the last string.....to friendships.....the good times and the hard times....

running on E

Father God, I am truly thankful for my blessings. Yet it is quite another thing to be thankful in the hard times and with the unanswered questions of life. Thank You for understanding that it is not easy for me.
Thank You for showing me that when I can't be thankful for the hard stuff, You remind me just to be thankful IN it. For it is in that where Your character of faithfulness will be proven over and over to me. Thank You for the confidence that You will see me through. Help me to lean hard on Your strength, wisdom and care. Thank You that You will build a track record in my life through Your faithfulness. You enable me to be thankful in hard times because You are my God and You can be trusted with my life, even in the hard stuff! In Jesus' name I pray, amen.


am broken....that's what i am.....i am so down..i wonder if i will ever get up....its not even anger...more like i am resigned.....which is sad...i think i am just there..waiting....to see what each new day ill bring...either worse ,..or the same of what was there yesterday....it is hard to remember that chronos time is not the same time as kairos time..yet i torture myself...i wonder what lesson am i not learning..that i feel so stuck in this season

RAFIKI.......FRIEND......OSIEPA

And still i rise......the higher you raise those walls the higher i will learn how to jump....i wont lie..i am disappointed...yet i cling on to faith...and the hope that my lot has always been in secure places...i was convinced that this time i did as expected...maybe i was wrong..yet this particular circumstance does not in any way reduce my value nor does it reduce my capability.....i do trust that much better is on the way...i just have to gird my self and take the next breathe,,,,,and still i rise

I got a regret from one of the big four...ironically it was at this same stage last year that i got a regret......yet i am proud of myself that i was able to go to the very same thing that had brought me down last year.i am proud of my performance and unlike last year i have no regrets of what i could have done.....rather than me not being good enough i think its more of the company not being the right fit for me..initially i did not want to even bother applying...but i made a promise to God that i would..and i did do my part....though in the past this particular company is known for sending regret letters then rescinding them later...all in the name of errors..i must say i am disappointed yet i know whom i have trusted and He is faithful.
Tomorrow i have an aptitude test with another of the big four....it will be an online test i have never done an online aptitude test yet i am at peace that whatever comes my way.....i will be able to triumph over it.

Friendships are uncanny.....if that's the appropriate word..and there are times when they acquire a life of their own...what is friendship.....i wonder..let me quote some definitions i found from various sources;

1. Friendship is co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis.
2. Friendship, as understood here, is a distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other's sake, and that involves some degree of intimacy
3. In philosophical discussions of friendship, it is common to follow Aristotle (Nicomachean Ethics, Book VIII) in distinguishing three kinds of friendship: friendships of pleasure, of utility, and of virtue. Although it is a bit unclear how to understand these distinctions, the basic idea seems to be that pleasure, utility, and virtue are the reasons we have in these various kinds of relationships for loving our friend. That is, I may love my friend because of the pleasure I get out of her, or because of the ways in which she is useful to me, or because I find her to have a virtuous character. Given the involvement of love in each case, all three kinds of friendship seem to involve a concern for your friend for his sake and not for your own.
4. Friendship is an in-depth relationship. Friendship is comfortable and relaxed. Friendship requires meeting the needs of both friends.
5. The first vital requisite for friendship is equality. There can be no master-slave element in true friendship. Male-female friendship is only possible when man and woman regard each other as completely equal. Each must be able to rejoice in the other's strengths and support the other's weaknesses with uncritical love - particularly when these strengths and weaknesses are the opposite way round to their society's gender stereotypes.
6. Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and, with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away.

I am really angry.......i have temper..but more often than not my anger dies away with the same quick speed with which it arrives...but there are moments when the anger is just inside me...gathering momentum...i have had fall-out with one of my friends...we are friends even if at this every precise moments i really want to forget that fact....it started with circumstances which i bear full responsibility..then a case of broken telephone or a lot miscommunication....it seem his integrity and mine is at question.integrity n. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
I think one of the hardest things is to know what you have said and done...and yet know that there is nothing you can do to convince the other person that you are saying the truth when from his point of view it seems as if you are....another thing that is bugging my brain is conflict resolution in friendship..two instances come to mind...the above whether my friend is Male and another where my friend is female...yet conflict resolution is necessary..for inevitable in life you will rub each other the wrong way...one way or another,,,,
In the past i have been all too eager to call it quits when friendships got too much..or it was too much conflicts...but as the years roll on..some of the best friendships i have had....are the ones i was willing to throw away...and so i find myself.....hesitant to just end friendships with the ease i used to..unless i have seen that they are toxic...so even though i am very angry...more so ...as i feel that some of the words spoken were uncalled for....i will not be hasty in ending a friendship that has been useful and real....and as i read maybe i am too focused on injury done to me...rather than seeing it from the other person's point of view....i do agree i have made my mistakes..yet as the excerpt below will show..in friendship there is understanding and there is that belief in the person's word

Perhaps it is only in friendship that people are capable of giving unconditional acceptance and love to another individual and this is the hallmark of true friendship. It means friends allow each other to be human and commit mistakes and learn from the mistakes. It also means that friends love each other in spite of the mistakes. This acceptance and love also means that friends talk to each other if they have any issues between them and that they treat each other with respect, dignity and kindness. They also give each other the benefit of doubt and try to understand the other person’s perspective. It is these aspects that allow friends to be friends in spite of disagreements and to work out issues and problems between them. Harsh criticism and judgmental attitude has no place in friendship.

AND SO I END THIS POST NOT KNOWING WHETHER OUR FRIENDSHIP WILL SURVIVE.....AND IN STATING THAT I AM NOT INSULTING YOU.....BUT RATHER STATING A POSSIBILITY....AND I DO KNOW THAT I HAVE THE RIGHT TO STATE AN OPINION....AND IF THE FRIENDSHIP DOESN'T SURVIVE...WELL WHILE IT LASTED IT WAS WORTH IT..AND IF IT DOES SURVIVE...ON MY PART I HAVE LEARNT HARSH LESSONS.